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I’m showing my son it’s okay to be without a partner or a relationship by not rushing into another one...

“You should wait a year” is the dating advice single parents often hear in regards to introducing children to significant others. In theory, the relationship is “solid” by a year; therefore, introducing children is acceptable. I agreed with this for a while, but my opinion has changed.

Unfortunately, I found out the hard way, despite the length and depth of involvement in a relationship, nothing is stopping a person from vanishing from a life they’ve started. In my case, leaving…


We forget the butterfly’s journey doesn’t end when it emerges with wings…

This piece isn’t so much about parenting hacks or parenthood, but perhaps a reminder that we are human. Even after magical changes and celebrations, life can and will still kick our ass, but as people and parents, we are equipped to keep going.

I realized this eleven years after my first trip to Costa Rica, when I found myself back in the jungle area of the surfers’ paradise. I had salt water running out of my nose, and the warm equatorial sun blazed down on me while I…


Can we stop pushing unwilling, unfit, or uninterested parents on children?

Every year on Father’s Day, as a solo mom, I receive messages from friends and family commending me for wearing both metaphorical parenting hats. I appreciate the acknowledgment for running a household and raising a child solely on my own, both physically and financially. Still, I want to say that having two parents isn’t always best for a child. I may get some backlash for saying that, but I can see that children suffer when a parent is in and out of their life. Fathering a child doesn’t make you a good dad, let alone a good person. Giving birth…


“AM I DOING THIS RIGHT?” MODERN PARENT CONTEST

This post is an entry in Modern Parent’s “Am I Doing This Right?” writing contest.

She feels as though she’s divided right down the center. She’s overwhelmed when she is asked to simultaneously do two things, like when her deep, despair thinking is interrupted by a sleepy request for breakfast. You can make your own breakfast, she wanted to say, but she wouldn’t be a good mother if she did, so she would go out to the kitchen and warm up oatmeal in the microwave for 2 minutes and 15 seconds at a power-level setting six because if not, it…


People may not realize how hard it is to celebrate yourself on a day when the world expects others to do it for you.

Mother’s Day is approaching, and as a single mom, I don’t look forward to it. I get anxious in the weeks prior. Ever since I was a child, there was always some unspoken rule about how Mother’s Day would go down. There were projects made at school, flowers, presents, breakfast in bed, and my father helping out to give mom the day off. This is not how Mother’s Day would be in my future.

I was alone the day I became a mom. No one was in the delivery room out of their own accord; they were all earning a…


The rainbow house appeared when my son and I started to find our groove.

The rainbow house was an enigma, something unique to my son’s world, and I miss it. It was a place he created when he was about 3. One day he started drawing rainbows. He drew rainbow houses, people with rainbow hair, rainbow animals, rainbows everywhere. Once in a while, he would buck the preschool system by writing his name in a rainbow of colors. Some teachers didn’t appreciate this because he wasn’t following directions and taking longer than was expected, but I thought it was beautiful.

My son was bold and had so much depth for the little guy that…


Lately, I can’t scroll through Medium or Instagram without seeing articles about avoiding narcissists, the top ten signs of narcissists, or how to safely burn a sage circle around your home after a narcissist discards you. The overabundance of information is starting to drain me. Having had several relationships with narcissists, I applaud the easy access to resources available today. It helped me understand some of the behaviors; it directed me to the right therapist, turned some lightbulbs on, and connected dots to mysteries of the bizarre, toxic behaviors and double lives I’ve seen and experienced.

But as it is…


Memories of Masks and Mexico

In early March of 2020, while people were buying toilet paper in bulk, I met a man for dinner. We drank wine, shared food, and cracked jokes about contracting the coronavirus, not knowing how serious and life-altering it would be. The evening ended clumsily successful.

The following day, the Shelter In Place order was issued for the area we lived. We wanted to see each other again, so we met for a hike. Masks weren’t a thing yet. As we sipped wine out of water bottles while we trudged up hills, we could still see the lips of others moving…


I never wanted my son to play Fortnite. NEVER. I knew there were dances, and guns, and shooting. For my son with an IEP, the last thing I wanted was him playing a game with guns in it. End of conversation. He played Zelda — Breath of the Wild, which was fine, as it was fantasy violence, and encouraged him to read and brainstorm to solve quests.

After we went into lockdown, screen time became an essential activity for both of us, like many other parents who needed a solution to entertain children while working from home. While my son…


Relaxing my stance on food and mealtimes allowed us to connect, instead of contending with each other.

I’m a California mom living in a utopia of warm sunny weather and an endless supply of fresh fruits and vegetables. Californians have a reputation for eating healthy food, which I realized recently, was added pressure on my parenting skills. At Memorial Day BBQs, children were nibbling on turkey pesto wraps or munching on celery sticks and beet hummus from a fair-trade farm. My son was using his entire forearm to swipe a quarter of the dessert section onto his flowery paper plate…

Kendra

Bay Area Misfit Mom originally from the Midwest, writing with compassion, color, and candor about the way things are and how they could be.

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